Toxic Friendships Among Women


Over the years, you’ve formed the best relationship you’ve ever had. You’ve told this best friend the most intimate moments and details of your life You consider her to be your A 1 since day one! She’s been there since your darkest times, your heartbreak, your struggles, and your identity crisis. But once you’ve found inner peace and has leveled up in life. Things are a little different between you two.

You’ve embarked on your career journey and it’s blossoming! But there’s only one thing missing…support from your best friend. Yes. Usually she’s been there for you every step of the way. Now you see that the more you are prospering in your career the less she begins to show up in your life. We don’t want to think anything of it. So, you begin to give the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, she’s just busy. Maybe she didn’t see your post or your text message. But when the shoe is on the other foot, you’re always giving your congratulations, bouts of encouragement and birthday wishes. Okay, so where are yours?

This is the beginning of a one-sided friendship! A friendship relationship that only evolves when you are at your lowest while your bestie is at her highest. When the situation is switched, and you are thriving…there is silence. Or if there is any communication it comes from far left. Leaving you to decipher if this is low-key shade or a compliment? Or am I expecting too much!

joan and toni 2

Take for example, Joan Clayton & Antoinette (Toni) Childs from Girlfriends. Throughout the entire series, Joan Carol Clayton has always tried to be the voice of reason amongst her three friends, Maya Wilkes, Lynn Searcy, and Toni. Which in fact has by default deemed her the “motherly friend”. As an overly cautious lawyer later turned restauranteur in later seasons, she has struggled with confrontation as well as her love life, which lands her in counseling a few times.

We see this back and forth tussle between her and Toni’s friendship on display when Toni gets married to Todd. Joan isn’t her happiest when her friend is at her highest. In fact, she is faced to confront her jealousy issues throughout Toni’s wedding engagement.

Later on, in season six once Toni is now going through a divorce and Joan is a successful restaurant owner of The J Spot. The dynamic of their relationship has changed, Joan isn’t as available to Toni as she is busy running a business. Thus, making Toni feel as if she’s being placed on the back burner because Joan is simply living her life. For once, she decides to put herself first for a change and this brings about the destruction of their toxic friendship. Toni leaves California to go live in New York after Joan missed her dismissed court case for child custody. The push and pull of their friendship finally ended but not a good note but it was toxic, nonetheless.



Another toxic female friendship is one amongst Molly Carter and Issa Dee on HBO’s Insecure. The friendship seemed to revolve around only when Molly sees Issa as beneath her. Not achieving, not progressing. In the first episode, Issa attends a party to see an old fling Daniel, who convinces her to rap like she did back in the day. She goes up on stage and makes a complete mockery of her friend’s love life with the rap, “Broken Pussy.” Which of course, pisses off her friend. They later make up, but I realize as a viewer that as Issa tries to progress her career at certain events, Molly always finds a way to bring turmoil to it.

For example, Issa throws a party for her job at, “We Got Y’all,” which was going well until the end when Issa expresses her disdain with Molly’s behavior toward colleagues. Molly doesn’t take this well and lashes out about her love life. They go back and forth, and it gets pretty heated. Later, when Issa throws a block party to bring awareness to black businesses and artists. Molly again, makes things about herself and puts Issa in an awkward position for working with Condoloa who is dating Issa’s ex Lawrence. During the worse part of their friendship, Issa throws a successful block party and again she throws a wrench in Issa’s plans. Confronting her at the worse unforeseen times.

Now Issa isn’t completely innocent but neither friend is. But if she can’t ever be happy when she is growing and trying to progress in life what is the purpose of a friendship.

Any friend that is only content when you are at your lowest point in life is not a friend at all. It should be we grow; we grow together through the good and the bad times. Anything else is just bullshit and doesn’t need to be accepted.

So, ask yourself are your friends happy for you? Are you happy for your friends? Are you all there for each other?

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